Günahkarlıq Hissi ilə Davranmaq

"I will never beg, or ask you to stay, I am to prideful for that. I am to aware that I wouldnt be what you want, or to give you the love you asked for. But,this love i feel i am unsure what it entails, is it simply longing for friendship or somethimg more, ive always been slow in the matters of the heart. But if this isnt love, why do you hunt me so? why do all my attempts to find someone new leads me to come back to you? I have confessed all this once, Iam afraid to yearn for you, to be taken advantage, to be dismayed. Perhaps its better to end this as me being rejected this time. I am afraid to love you, I am afraid that you be part of my entirety. I am afraid that you already took a lot of space in my heart. But what I am afraid of became reality, you left and you took my entirety. I hate to accept this feelings, this weakness, this emotions. hell I know all I can imagine is the fact you might read this, and dismissed it like last time. I hope you broke my heart in a different way, like how I cold heartedly disappeared as you said with no words. I hope to move on, but my thoughts comes back to you I wish you where still in my life David. I find you everywhere I exist. I will never ever say it again, I will always be a strong resilient person, i will not beg anyone to stay. But, I wished the moment you said goodbye i explained and give your words more thought. I will never see your presence in another. I feel shame because i know you will never come back. I regret but cant go back. I will never , ever, be honest or come to bother you in your life. Im afraid it wont be the same. But, if life will bless me, I hope for you to be part of my life, Because I like myself better with you. I find what you adored, a trait i aim to erase, in my facade of intimidation is a soft heart you never took advantage off. Im afraid I wont get over you. Im afraid my heart cannot be soft to another but you last. I wished youd be the same , i wished youd betrayed me, or hurt me with words instead. I wish to hate than grieve the existence I call love for you."