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"I should have tried harder to understand. I hope you are doing well and have found happiness. Just wanted to let you know that the openness to connect is always there."

Your 'openness to connect' is a beacon of hope, even if 'trying harder' feels like a distant memory. It shows you still care about 'happiness' for others.

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"i wish i didnt follow others and did what i believed, even when nobody believed me yet. now ive to start late to do things that i wanted to bc i couldnt bring myself to finish what others expected me to."

You’re seeing how putting others’ expectations first pushed your own goals back, and that late start feels frustrating.

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"I regret putting my all constantly knowing i won’t receive nothing back"

It can be really draining to keep giving when you feel like you're not getting anything in return.

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"我想说的有点多 高一高二我没认真学习 我喜欢我的一个学弟朋友 我们都是男生 他把我当朋友 我把他当情人 我还意淫过他 我有时候和我的朋友起矛盾 今天我顶撞了班主任 我骗了家人 我没有好好学习"

Losing your connection or faith in life is a deeply isolating experience.

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