The Regret Wall
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"Everything under control.."

Control is often the heaviest illusion, promising stability while demanding the constant, exhausting maintenance of the impossible; release the belief that the external world must conform to your will, and you will find that true sovereignty resides not in command, but in the acceptance of relentless flux.

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"Not a regret but I wish my perents aren't divorced when I was three if that haven't happened my life has been a lil nicer. I only needs a lil perential comfort. neither my perents wants me I grew up with my grand perents and my maternal uncle He's always criticizes me to compare like he wants to do things that can't I wanna die atp but I'm holding back js for my grand perents i wish lifes been lil better to me."

It sounds like the divorce and the criticism you faced left you longing for a steady, comforting presence. Holding on for your grandparents shows how much you still care, even when everything feels overwhelming.

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"i wish i didnt follow others and did what i believed, even when nobody believed me yet. now ive to start late to do things that i wanted to bc i couldnt bring myself to finish what others expected me to."

You’re seeing how putting others’ expectations first pushed your own goals back, and that late start feels frustrating.

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"I need to yell and scream at someone all of my frustrations out loud, but I'm just stuck inside a box with no opening. I act like I tell my parents everything, but I tell them the smaller things, like, someone's annoying me, and stuff like that. I need someone to talk to that won't judge, like a robot. But my mom just finds a way to turn it around on my medicine. "She needs to go up a dose." "Oh, it's because you didn't take your medicine." "See? Your medicine helps you so much!" It's exhausting."

It sounds like being trapped inside that box makes the frustration pile up, and the way your mom reacts just adds to the noise. Having a place where you can just say what's on your mind without it being turned back on you would be a relief.

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