The Psychology of Regret: Why Looking Back Moves Us Forward
Regret is often seen as a negative emotion, but psychologists suggest it might be our most powerful tool for personal growth.
Key Takeaway
"Regret is a healthy emotional signal for course correction. It helps us learn from past mistakes and aligns our future actions with our core values."
The Purpose of Pain
Regret is universal. It is the emotional equivalent of physical pain—a signal that something is wrong and deserves attention. Unlike other negative emotions such as sadness or anger, regret is closely tied to personal agency. It grows from the belief that we could have acted differently.
Research in behavioral psychology shows that when processed in a healthy way, regret serves two essential functions: learning and course correction.
Two Types of Regret
Psychologists generally divide regret into two categories:
- Regrets of action: Things we did. (Saying something hurtful, for example.)
- Regrets of inaction: Things we didn’t do. (Never speaking up, never reaching out.)
Interestingly, regrets of action tend to feel sharper in the short term, while regrets of inaction linger far longer. “What if?” has no expiration date.
Healing Through Acceptance
The Regret Wall is built on the principle of acceptance. By externalizing regret—writing it down and letting it go—we move it from the mind’s rumination loop to its narrative center. A haunting ghost becomes a story.
And stories can be finished.